


I've Grown Tired of This Body..

by SarkySquirrel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Coma, EVERYONE is here - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Stabbing, Violence, because ward was bad, except for ward, inspired by an episode of Supernatural, the sad things i write at 2am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3902026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarkySquirrel/pseuds/SarkySquirrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title comes from Body by Mother Mother. (Love this song so much.)</p>
<p>A mission gone wrong leaves Sydney seriously injured and in hospital. Who would have thought that you get a free trial of the ghost life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Grown Tired of This Body..

_"SYDNEY!!"_

The knife was wrenched out of her chest, blood oozing out with it. The pain was blinding, so much so she barely heard her name being called by- Bucky. Oh god no. Her knees buckled, her body slamming back against the concrete. Her assailant - killer - leaned down beside her, whispering in her ear. "Good night little pet." Damien, the bastard. Bucky would kill him, will kill him. But not before her final breath.

                Oh breathing, that's a thing she might want to try. She could feel her lung failing to inhale, the slice through it stopping air entering.  She held her hand against the wound in her abdomen, the gunshot that ripped through her a couple of minutes before the final blow. She had to put pressure on something, even though the darkness slowly seeped into her view.  She didn't want to go, but she was just so tired. Tired of surviving. Maybe death isn't so bad.

                "Don' die on me, please. " A hand forced pressure over her chest, she looked up to the owner to find Bucky at her side. She smiled as much as she could, but it looked more like a grimace of pain. "C'mon, Sid, hold on! I just got you back, you can't leave now."

                She stroked his cheek, a tear slipping out of her eye as she let gravity take hold.  "Bucky, 'm sorr-"

                "Sssh, ssh, don't speak, just stay awake." Sydney could see Natasha and Coulson running, no sprinting, towards her. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, the one she usually used for hacking. It had a large crack down the screen but it still worked.

                 She used the hand that was holding the bullet wound to press it against Coulson's chest, the device and Coulson's shirt now covered in her blood. "I got it. I- I got it."

                Coulson nodded, "Yeah, yeah you did. You did. Just hold on Sydney, we're gonna get you some help."

                That was it. That was the last thing she heard. The darkness took over and she fell.

                                                                                ***

                They waited in the hospital. Waited for hours. The whole team was there. Sydney was in surgery, after the doctors rushed her into the operating room. Melinda May sat patiently, face calm and controlled but inside everyone knew she was hurting. Sydney and Agent May were extremely close. After what happened with Ward, Sydney listened to May, or at least sat in silence with her until May instigated conversation. Sydney was the one who suggested beating the shit out of Ward. Her methods were precisely what Melinda needed.

                Fitz and Simmons, Coulson's two resident geniuses were sat together, Simmons hiding her face in Fitz shoulder, while he fiddled about with some new piece of tech. Everyone understood that this was his way of dealing. Focus on something else so the worst case scenario doesn't come to mind.

                Skye and Natasha were curled up on a chair together. They were both extremely close with Sydney. Natasha had suffered torture and control years ago, and Sydney was there alongside her. Skye had bonded with the girl who made references to movies and replied to people with malicious sarcasm. Sydney didn't care about who they were or what position they were in. She said what she thought, fuck the consequences.

                Coulson was pacing, waiting for the doctor to return with good news. He couldn't fathom bad news at this point. Sydney was like a daughter to him, even though she was 40, maybe 50 years older than him.  He tried not to think about the blood, her blood on his shirt and the stained, cracked phone in his pocket. Darcy stood in front of him, stopping him from wearing a hole in the tiled floors, and guided him to the empty seat behind him. She held a hand on his shoulder, to remind him that he's not alone.

                Tony was on the phone to Pepper, who was frantically rushing into New York as fast as she could. He kept an eye on Bruce who was trying to use his medical connections to get some news on Sydney's surgery.  Clint was nowhere to be seen, until he entered the building with Lucky. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in but understood and waived him through. Lucky could tell that something was going on, something bad. Clint stroked his soft golden fur, keeping himself from doing something irrational.

                Bucky wasn't dealing well with the waiting. He sat in one of the waiting chairs, his elbows and his knees connected and his head in his hands. They were soaked with Sydney's drying blood. Steve was perched on the floor in front of him, a hand on his neck. He was murmuring comforting words to him, though Bucky wasn't really listening. He'd just got her back from all those years ago, he couldn't bear to lose her again. He wouldn't want to live without her. He needed to clean the blood off his hands. He stood quickly, staring at the doors that Sydney was lead through hours before. The doctor rushed out, and the group of SHIELD agents rushed to hear the news.

                "Doc? How is she?"

                "She suffered some fatal wounds, almost died from internal bleeding, but luckily you got her here in time. The bleeding has been stemmed and her injuries have been cleaned and bandaged. While we were fixing  her lung, she suffered a cardiac arrest. She's alive, and stable though her body has shut down."

                "What are you saying?"

                "She's comatose. It's normal for the body to shut down for a bit, speeds up the healing, but I'm not sure. She's not like any patient I've ever had before. I don't know what's going to happen. That's all I can say."

                "Can we see her?"

                "Of course, though visiting hours close soon. One of you may stay with her overnight if you'd like." The doctor led the group to her private room. He left the group watching the slow rise and fall of the beaten, unconscious girl on the hospital bed in front of them. They could see more bandaging than actual flesh, and even the bandages had spots of blood oozing through them. Skye and Natasha held onto each other tightly, May holding a hand over Coulson's shoulder as he hung his head.  Darcy pulled Steve into a hug, wishing she could do the same to her friend. Tony showed Pepper the extent of her external injuries, calming her down as she began crying. Bruce was looking over Sydney's medical records with Simmons by his side, Fitz snapping a picture on his phone so that he could study them later. Clint watched over her while Lucky stood on his hind legs whining and nosing at Sydney's limp hand.

                Bucky stood in the doorway, behind everyone else. He stared at his blood stained hands, before looking back to Sydney. He dashed into the adjacent bathroom inside the room, slamming the door shut behind him, locking it in the process. He ran the water, shoving his hands underneath and rubbing at the metal and scratching the flesh.  He couldn't stop seeing red, seeing the life drain from Sydney's eyes. Finally, his knees buckled from exhaustion, and he lowered himself to the ground, relying on the wall to hold him. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head upon them.

                Some time later, Bucky wasn't exactly sure how long it was, there was a soft knock at the door. "Bucky? You okay?" Steve. His best friend. The guy who help Sydney bring him back. Sydney. His thoughts swirled in his head, not letting him focus on one thing. "Bucky, can I come in?" Bucky sat in silence for a minute, before twisting the lock on the door and returning to his position. Steve opened the door, peaking his head in first before opening it slowly. He sighed, before joining his friend on the floor. "She's gonna be okay, Buck." He hugged the metal armed man.

                "What if she's not, Steve?" Bucky objected, feeling small and unable to help her situation.

                "Then we help her through. Just like when I was sick and you two helped me. Or when you beat some bullies and Sydney tended to your wounds. We be there for her, like she has for us." Steve summed up, assuring him of her safety.  He held the man for a few minutes more before asking. "You gonna stay with her tonight? May managed to get Coulson to go home but he's staying tomorrow."

                "Yeah, I'll stay. Thanks Stevie."

                "S'okay buddy." He held a hand out to him, Bucky accepting it and standing up.

                He walked over to the bedside, noting the additional bed by the side, and the blankets that lay neatly on the end. Steve exited the room, watching Bucky for a few moments before leaving him alone. Bucky sat on the additional bed, holding her uninjured hand with his own and holding it to his lips.

                                                                                                ***

                She opened her eyes, taking in a deep breath. She was in a hospital operating room. Doctors were rushing through her - wait, through her? What. She looked down at the person on the table, the person who, according to the relentless beeping of the machines that surrounded her, was dying. She recognised the long purple hair and the bruises that littered her face and the hole through her chest from a knife wound.

                "Me?" She whispered, watching the professionals try to stop the bleeding and run through her to clean up wounds. She backed away, tears streaking down her cheeks. This didn't happen. Did that mean she was a ghost now? But to be a ghost was to actually be dead, she wasn't dead yet. She was pretty close to it but she wasn't dead. She ran from the surgical room, out into the main corridors of the hospital. She tried calling out at people, nurses, patients none of them saw her or heard her. She turned to a waiting room where all her friends were. They all looked so sad. Coulson was pacing, before he looked up in her direction. His face paled and for a second she truly believed he'd seen her. Then the doctor burst through her chest and she knew she wasn't who Coulson was looking at.

                Sydney listened to the doctor as he told the group what happened, how she was stuck in a coma. "So that explains the ghostly thing that's happening here." No one heard her of course. She was alone.

                When the group started moving she followed them into the room. She was there, laying helplessly on the bed, a tube down her throat to help her breathe. It was hard, and seriously weird looking at herself as she stood at the end of the bed. She watched as Bucky bolted into the en-suite bathroom, turning to follow him in. She watched him scrabble to wash the blood off his hands, observed him fall to the floor, wanting nothing more than to let him know she was there. But she couldn't, she simply sat down in front of him and tried to touch him.

                Steve entered the small room sitting next to his best friend as he held him close. She was glad Steve was there. He had someone to talk to. Share his pain with. Steve told him she would be okay. She was starting to believe she wouldn't be. "I'm so sorry Bucky." She whispered, she knew he wouldn't hear her.

                                                                                                ***  
                When morning arrived, Coulson entered and from the visitors seat beside Sydney and watched Bucky as he restlessly slept, hand holding onto Sydney, poking out under the covers. He let him sleep for another hour until he woke up.

                "Coulson, hey." Bucky sat up as he cleared his eyes of dried tears and sleep.

                "How is she?" He replied as he sat up in his chair.

                "Same." He kept his answer short, there wasn't much else to say.

                Coulson sighed nodding his head before turning to the ex-assassin.  "You should go back to the tower, shower and eat. It doesn't look like she'll be moving for a while."

                Bucky looked up at the new director then down to the steady rise and fall of Sydney's chest. Although he didn't want to leave, he knew Sydney would beat him up if he didn't look after himself. "Yeah. Okay. I'll come see her later."

                "Goodbye Sergeant Barnes."

                                                                                                ***

                That turned into routine over the next couple of months. Bucky tried to stay by her side as much as he could, and everyone chipped in to stay with her for a night or two, to let Bucky rest at home. Bucky was requested to go on some missions, thinking they would take his mind off of Sydney but they didn't. Not particularly.

                He wanted more than anything to see Sydney smile again. Hell to even wake up. He wasn't even able to sleep in the same bed as her, the doctors fearing he would pull out the drips or break any of the machines that were currently supporting her, keeping her alive.

                                                                                                ***

                Sydney, bored and unable to do anything to help her situation decided to try to test the limits of her chain that tied her to her body. She strolled around the hospital making her way towards the front entrance before a voice stopped her.

                "Sydney, wait!" She turned around to see a face she hadn't seen in a long time. She narrowed her eyes as she stepped towards the woman who called to her. She had short, curled brunette hair and wore a dress very much from the 40's.

                "Momma?" She questioned as she stood in front of the lady.

                "Sydney, my baby girl." She touched her face, Sydney's eyes slipping shut as she leaned into the touch. It wasn't warm, but she was comforted by the fact someone could touch her.

                "Momma, how are you here?"

                "I never left. I've been with you through everything." She hugged her child, squeezing her shoulders as Sydney sobbed. "You've been through so much, honey." Sydney nodded, crying even though she was happy to see her mother again.

                "I'm so tired."

                "I know baby, I know." She led Sydney back through the hospital to her room. Bucky was inside, alone crying into her limp hand. He looked like he hadn't slept properly or shaved in a while."I know you're tired, but you have to fight."

                "I can't Momma. It's hard."

                "You have to fight for Bucky. I knew from the moment you two met as children, when you helped save little Stevie from those bullies that you two were meant for each other." Sydney looked at her mother, listening to her wise words. "You only just got him back, you can't give up now. I know your life has been dreadful. But think of the happy moments. Think of when you and Bucky would climb that tree I always told you you'd hurt yourself on but you never did listen. Think of the time when you and Bucky first went dancing. Think of the moment you saw Bucky again as himself after all the Winter Soldier business. You love him and he loves you." She smiled beautifully as she continued. "Fight for what you love." She kissed Sydney's forehead before pushing her over to her body.

                Sydney nodded, swallowing her sadness and smiling. "I missed you so much Momma. Thank you."

                "I'll always be with you. No matter what. You are my baby girl, and I love you. Now go."

                Sydney touched her own forehead and she felt a bright, warm glow engulf her.

                                                                                                ***

                The hand in Bucky's clenched as he stopped crying. He looked up to the girl who owned it, and saw her begin to move. "Sydney?"

                She couldn't speak since there was a tube rammed down her throat, so she pleaded with her eyes to Bucky. He called a nurse, and watched as the doctors carefully pulled the tube out and calmed her down. She was handed a glass of water by Bucky who held it to her mouth and tipped it, like he used to with Steve. After blinking a few times, she smiled at the wall facing her and rasped, "Thanks momma." The doctors increased her morphine levels, and she quickly fell asleep.

                When she woke she was surrounded by people. They were all looking far too sad for people who just found out their coma friend just woke up. "Jeez, you'd think someone died." She smiled as she blinked up at her friends, squeezing Bucky's hand letting him know she was okay. He kissed her hand as Steve kissed her forehead.

                "Glad to see you awake, Sydney."

                "Glad to be awake." She was going crazy just wandering around the hospital. "How long was I asleep?"

                "Three months." Bucky mumbled from the seat next to her.

                "What?!" Sydney's mouth hung open in shock. She was only in the ghost world for 3 days. How was that even possible? She looked at the faces of those in the room surrounding her. Then at Bucky.

                "Uh, we'll leave you two alone."Tony ushered everyone out of the room and Sydney tilted her head.

                "I thought you were gone." The silence was broken by his cracked voice. "I got you back, then you were gone. I thought you were never coming back."

                "Bucky.." She blinked, tears spilling as she remember what her mother told her in limbo. "I will always come back for who I love. For you."

                A single man tear rolled down Bucky's cheek as he surged to her, kissing her passionately and desperately. His hand cradled her neck as they broke for air. "I love you. I never want to lose you."

                She kissed him lightly, before replying. "I love you too. You're never gonna lose me." She ran her fingers through his slightly long hair, their lips connecting once again.

                The doctor broke them apart, and a nurse pushed away some of the machines, the ones she wouldn't need anymore. "Sydney, we advise you to get some rest. Also James, provided you don't pull any of the IV drips out you can sleep on the bed alongside Sydney. We'll talk about when you can get discharged in the morning." Before the doctor even finished his sentence, Bucky was curled into her side. Holding her close. "Goodnight."


End file.
